I haven't been this sober since birth.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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