This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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