so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
