My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
