If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
