so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
