girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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