The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
