so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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