Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
