Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
