Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
