Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
