i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my liver is dry heaving
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
