forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
