She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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