you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i came on her dog
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
