I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
