By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
