I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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