I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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