just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
