I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
