Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
