i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you traded sex for a burrito?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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