Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Bring me that man meat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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