The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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