he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
