umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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