I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
