I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
