Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize