I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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