we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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