he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
