I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
