Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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