Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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