there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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