I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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