I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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