i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
