ugly people sure do ruin things
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
