went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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