My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
