peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
