Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
