I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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