fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
