I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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