someone threw a dead crab at me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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