You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
