the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
