Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
