When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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