like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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