So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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