she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
