its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My vagina is officially offended.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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