I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Enjoy the penises
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
