Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize