Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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