Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
