did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
