Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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