I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
