atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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