at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I met the friendliest cop last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love accidental penises.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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