She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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