Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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