Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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