It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
