I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
