Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
