I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
