every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A+ Viking dick
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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